From the preservation of power to a personal contract between two equals seeking love, stability, and happiness, marriage has had an ever-changing definition. The questions, however, remained the same. Is it really necessary? Or is it just “the government’s way to keep tabs on us?”
Currently, we are standing at a crossroads with two ever-conflicting ideologies. Both of them raise some solid points and you’d be foolish to discredit either. Talking about liberals, they believe in having multiple options. In dating as much as you want before you finally settle for ‘the one’. Settle when you are 100% certain of what you’re looking for. The physical aspect of a relationship holds pretty much the equal weight as the emotional bond and when you’re thinking about spending your life with one person, it’s foolish of you to settle. Conservatives, on the other hand, are mostly about making the “smart” choice and sticking with it. You get married when you’re young, have children and keep the canoodling reserved for committed relationships. In countries like USA stats show this is the best way to be. They also aren’t very fond of same-sex marriages as according to them, the bond was meant to be between “a woman and a man”.
Both the ideologies have some fundamental flaws. For conservatives, it’s their antipathy towards same-sex marriages. As the years passed, marriage’s definition blurred the gender roles and it’s time for the conservatives to finally accept the “modern” definition of it. Liberals, on the other hand, are all about choices but there is a curse to having too much freedom. Everyone wants as many choices as possible, more career options, more ice cream flavours and most of all an abundance of romantic partners. And like a confused kid in an exam, sometimes we take the wrong option when confronted by them. So, unless you set the correct filters, being spoilt for choice isn’t necessarily a good thing.
Conservatives and their holy arranged marriages are the dominant forces in India. No, don’t get me wrong, love still is strong as ever but even this Superman has its kryptonite, “log kya kahenge?” And like that little green rock, this too weakens the bond of every desi couple. So if you’re not blessed with a “progressive” family, there’s nothing you can do(mostly) to make the situation better. Arranged marriages are where your hard earned degrees and your cushy jobs come into play. For many of us, it’s easier to learn a new programming language than to interact freely with the opposite sex and maintain a healthy relationship. Arranged marriages level the playing field as it takes the pressure of failure out of the equation. Things aren’t as jolly for the open-minded, as the word liberal has a different meaning in India. It’s basically synonymous with lacking moral values & character. Open-mindedness has nothing to do with being a liberal. Due to this negative connotation, most are reluctant to identify themselves as one. And some who dare to come forward, the constant judgment makes it all the more difficult. Statistics favour the conservative approach but make no mistake, in no way it tells the full story. Our astonishing divorce rates just show us how much two people struggle to make their marriage work just for the sake of some misguided validation. It’s time to break the stereotype; liberals can raise their children with exceptional values & conservatives can be screw-ups. It’s about giving the choice to find one’s identity and not just force one.
Both have their pros and cons and it’s up to the individual to choose the one that fits. Conservatives have no right to judge someone because they want to look for ‘the one’. Even Ted Mosby stumbled around for 8 seasons before meeting his equal half. Liberals too have no right to shame someone just cause they are happy and want to express their love in front of the world, Marshall and Lily made this all too clear. The definition of liberalism teaches us to be open-minded, to be flexible & that’s the greatness of being a liberal. Mocking someone just because they don’t share your beliefs contradicts the foundation of the whole idea. It is okay to marry the person you love. It’s okay not to commit and chase your dreams without conflicts. Cause, in the end, it’s about choosing the one/thing you love. And this is why marriage is so important, it doesn’t have to be a person, it could be your lifelong dream of backpacking through Europe or living the life of a gipsy. Marriage is about committing to your love and giving your all to make it work. And maybe one day we’ll finally be able to slide the differences aside and co-exist without any conflicts or judgements.
